It happened again (a daily battle against anxiety)
There will be no Vlog again today. I had intended to film as soon as I got home but sadly this wasn't to be.
This is due to the events that unfolded through out the day. To put it simply, I suffered an anxiety attack. They really can crop up at any time, it is a daily battle for me.
Anxiety is something that has different symptoms in different people : for my own I filmed a video in the attempt to explain what it means to me. you can see it below
My attacks manifest themselves in struggling to breathe, a tight chest and tears. Today I had some bad news and I couldn't help it. It all came out at once.
My chest was the first thing to be affected. I couldn't breathe, I took my cardigan and my jacket off. This helped to cool me down.
I managed to keep my breathing under control, but for once, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I'm not traditionally a crier. It took me a couple of hours to get it under control. I went back to my desk and had a few tears there as well . But eventually I calmed myself by doing the steps below .
As it was a situation that set me off, I tried to rationalise it in my head. I tried to stop myself from blowing things out of proportion. I had a few controlled breaths.
The next thing I did was visualise a calm space - mine is a beach, with waves going in and out. The sun setting. Before I knew it, my heart stopped racing, my tears dried up and I felt under control again. I didn't stop shaking for a couple of hours, but this eventually subsided later in the evening.
I think this one occurred because I felt helpless - I felt as though I couldn't be of any use to a situation that was upsetting my family. Once I sat and spoke to my Mum, partner and Team Leader, it became more manageable and I was able to make it not seem like I was drowning.
I think the more that I blog about it, the clearer I can be in the description. I can think about it more.
You can see my previous blogs here :
I'm sorry that this post isn't 'as together' as my previous ones. I just feel a little all over the place still.
I didn't expect anxiety and depression to be as prominent a feature as it seems to be at the moment on the blog - but then again, this is something that I have to battle everyday....so why do I feel like I should hide it? Why do I still feel slightly ashamed that I can't be 'happy' all the time? Despite the warm outpouring of love that I got from the previous posts, I still feel like maybe I shouldn't post this. But I'm going to , out of respect for the others that said that they felt reading the blog made them not feel so alone.
This post is for you.