Wanderlust or something more?
Long time no post, so long in fact that I feel like I am hitting upon some sort of writer's block.
I feel that the below post is going to be an extremely personal one.... But it is something that I need to write to clear my mind.
I feel as though, something has changed in me. Ever since Luke went away on his trips and came back, I feel somewhat different.
It's hard to explain, but in a nutshell I am starting to critique aspects of my life.
I've had a few tears tonight... something that I feel is a long time coming, but why I'm not sure.
I do know that I have a huge weight on my chest and that I need things to change to get rid of it. I should be clear that this isn't my anxiety, this is something deeper.
For the longest time, I have loved to travel.... I love youtubing different countries, different languages and researching places and food etc. I'd often daydream about living there... when I was sad at work, when things were going wrong or when I just needed to escape my head.
When I was little I got to travel a fair bit and this stopped when I started working and went to university.
Recently, I've really missed it... the journey, the travel, the excitement, the discovery and the lessons that you bring home/ the things you learn about yourself. I've tried a few times to explain to my partner that I have itchy feet and the desire to leave England is a very strong one.
As much as I love this country, I feel like life wasn't meant to be lived in one place.
The reason that I put something more in the title is because although I have experienced high levels of wanderlust... I wonder if there is something else behind all this.
Despite the fact that I have recently changed my home, my car and other things that were and issue in my life. I now feel as though it might be time to change something else.... my job.
I don't know if its because I feel like I'm having a bad time at the moment or if I feel as though I'm stuck.... but I'm hoping that returning to university will help. I need a goal and I wonder if that is what is behind all these thoughts.
I have come to realise that I have a very over active imagination and when its not kept busy it tends to overthink everything. This is one of the reasons that my anxiety can take hold of me in the way it does.
I do hope that after this year of uni I can do a year of teacher training and finally go into a profession I feel is of benefit to my future and a trade to take over seas. Maybe the challenge of learning a new language could help as well....
Sorry to ramble, I think that I have become a slight downer of late. Hopefully going on Holiday in November will help.
I do know that Luke and I have a pact that in a couple of years we want to have made the move abroad.....
All I can do is look to the future and hope that its as bright as I hope... you gotta go though the dark times to appreciate the light.
I always try to be as honest on this blog as I know that the more honest posts are the ones that can be more of a benefit than the others.
Snapchat : Beckydoodah