LIFESTYLE : Getting Reflective and A Weekly Round Up
So I have sat down three times this week to write this post and it's just shows that the situation continues to improve.
When I first thought of this post it was going to admittedly be a tad on the ranty side.
I was / am tired of trying to be something that I am not, trying to impress people that honestly, have zero feature in my life.
I constantly feel like I should act a certain way, or behave in a certain way, dress in a certain way and aim for the same generic things as other people my age.
There was kind of a moment of clarity in the past couple of weeks and I have tried to 'get back to the old me' .... with some improvements.
Some of these are gonna sound so stupid and basic... but they have all helped to make a big change.
1) My jewellery has made a return - I was being made to feel as thought my many bracelets (that mean the world to me) were not befitting someone of 25.
So I stopped wearing them (well except my watch ) and I just felt so wrong for doing it.
Just having the reminders on my wrist of my family and achievements, is so comforting when I feel stressed, particularly at times of high anxiety.
I feel my left hand automatically going to hold them when I need a moment to calm.
2) Baking - I LOVE baking and I used to do alot of it. For some reason, I stopped.
I made these lovely little cookie rocks for Luke and I really enjoyed it.
I made them on a Monday after work when my head was mashed and it really helped.
We had them instead of dinner because we are grown ups ok?
3) Spending more time with Luke and the Cats - I am guilty of coming home in the week, absorbed in my own little bubble, that I miss whats around me and who is trying to comfort me.
I do this until I go to bed early, ready to get back into the same routine.
Time with Luke is precious and even if we can play a game together or watch a film together it helps.
We recently started watching Anime together ( One Punch Man is the current one of choice).
Also under this picture, I would like to add the following. At my age, I have started to get judgemental looks in regards to my relationships.... Shouldn't you be getting married / having kids?
No, not yet. Luke and I might have been together six years, this year.... but we were young when we got together.
We are working on ourselves & trying to save for a house.
So many marriages end in divorce, that I am not even sure thats a route we might take if I'm being honest.
We would love to have kids, but now is not the right time.
I was gifted this lovely little Bobblehead BB8 and I thought he fit in quite nicely to this topic. I get alot of judgment for gaming and also for filming it.
It's a hobby, a hobby that I enjoy.
I love going into a story and pushing myself to try and complete it to 100%.
No, I do not need to grow up. Please tell me how sitting in front of the telly is 'healthier for you than gaming'. I'll wait.
Today was a major turning point for me. I managed to go for a run by myself, in the middle of the day... when the park was full with people.
I love running, its escapism.. but I get so anxious about going alone. My main fear is that I am going to run into people I know. No idea why. I always used to feel better if Luke was by my side. However, I told my head to get over itself and I went.
I have to say, I can feel the benefits from changing my diet to Vegan. My body is less sluggish, my running kit fits like a dream ( I have now lost two and a half stone in a year) and I just seemed to operate better.
And finally, the main thing that has helped, I think is the change in weather and the change of how I approach things in my head.
I recently start reading up on a new way of thinking, which makes alot of sense to me. I'm not quite ready to share yet as its a major thing to me... but I will when the time is right.
The weather is alot calmer and brighter and I find my head is alot better at this time of year.
I hate the dark, it triggers some bad memories, that I won't share.
I think all in all, that those people that judge generally have something wrong in their own life and they want to feel better about themselves.
To be honest, the only views that matter to me, are my Mother and Father and Luke.
Need to stop trying to please everyone around me to be honest with you.
If this week has taught me anything, it is that life is short and can be taken away so quickly and without warning.
Thanks for reading