LIFESTYLE : My Tumblr Post

Hello Everyone, 

So,  I thought that I would write a little post because yesterday was a highly charged day. 

I had probably the worst day with anxiety that I have had in my life. 

I wrote a little post to try and explain a post a wrote on Tumblr and to make sure that no one is worried about me

I have copied the post from Tumblr below but you can also see the original over on tumblr


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Let's be honest 
I’m writing this here because no one in my immediate life has my tumblr 
Today is proving to be one of the most difficult of my life. 
I’m used to the constant battle against anxiety and depression but today is extra. 
I cannot stop shaking. No matter what I try. 
I can’t control the tears from falling but I can limit the amount. Hay fever is my go to excuse. 
I can’t talk about it and I know it’s gonna open a box 📦 
I’m exhausted and my skin is flaring up cos I’m stressed. I’m itching that one spot on my neck and rubbing my hands together and clenching them. 
I can’t talk about it and it’s an invisible illness. Although I’m massaging my chest as it so tight. I’m not having a heart attack but my brain is telling me that I am. 
I’m scared of being judged and upsetting my co workers. I sit in silence cos I’m scared. 
And do you know why this is all happening?
Because I had to break my routine and leave my house 30 mins early. I didn’t have breakfast and I had to spend ten mins covering rashes and a puffy eye. 
That being said. I can’t hold food down either. 
I had no rest at the weekend and my brain is overcharged. It’s too busy imagine worse case situations. 
Mental health is invisible but it’s the most important thing we have. 
Imma try and make it through this day. But I can’t promise anything

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I wrote the above on my morning break. During the middle of this episode. 
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At the start of the day, I felt a little quiet in myself. I felt really worried about leaving Luke to go to work.  He walks me to my work from my car and then carries on to his own work. 

I walk into work 30 mins early. I feel a bubbling. I feel an extremely heavy weight on my chest. I walk into the toilets and the tears came. I compose myself somewhat, go to my desk and try and eat the breakfast that I had bought with me. 

The tears keep coming but I can limit them to pass them off as hay fever tears. 
Normally this would pass and I'd feel better. but today was different.  Everytime I try to talk, the chest gets tighter. I can't find the words. I was screaming on the inside with nothing coming out. I could really only communicate via IM. 

I managed to talk to my team leader after lunch and it really helped. 
However, there were physical side effects too. These pictures, I am not proud of. But if they help someone else.... then its all worth it. 

1) My left eye was puffy 



2) I had a stress rash on my left leg  and the right side of my jaw ached 


3)  This was me at the end of the day- Pale, exhausted and just looking like crap.

Last night I came hime and just sat in silence. It really helped me, the world was calm and less busy. 
I watched Youtube Videos rather than scroll on social media. 
There was no tomorrow and no yesterday. 
I was at peace.

I am working on trying to manage this. 

I will write another post about how I am trying to take care of myself later on. 

Thanks for reading


Becky 


x



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