Reasons to Celebrate (Life and Blog Update!)
So I thought that I would write a short update post about a couple of subjects.
I'm dying to share one bit of news with you all BUT I will do that once everything is 'final' and confirmed.
I thought that I would talk about the blog and how its doing, firstly.
When I started the blog, I wrote about the desire to celebrate the smaller milestones as they are worth just as much to me as the big ones.
I looked at my blog figures after a couple of days away, and I was overwhelmed with what I saw.
50,000 lifetime views.
I honestly, can't get over how nicely the blog is growing and I guess that I am still a little awe-struck by it all .
The thought that just one person might be reading, is honestly enough for me. But wow.
Thank you so much and thank you for putting up with my.... well ramblings and reviews I guess.
At some dark points, it was one of the only things that I felt was going right in my life and gave me a little bit of hope.
A bit deep but there we are
The second update is in regards to my mental health.
I get asked a lot about how I am getting on and how my Anxiety in particular is sitting.
I find it really awkward to answer in person, I'm so used to that default answer of, I'm fine. While looking down, trying to avoid eye contact hoping that the conversation will turn to something else.
But in essence, I am trying so hard to rebuild what confidence I used to have. I still struggle to let people in, every those that have been in my life for a while.
The more time progresses, the more I realise that over the summer, I did in fact have some form of a breakdown.
I try to make it seem like it was another person and in fact I'm too strong to allow it to happen again.
I've spoken before about my growing fear of leaving the house and breaking routine.
But I'm trying to challenge myself everyday. I'm trying to take control back.
One of the major ways of doing this has been through seeking a new profession. I am hoping to go and train as a teacher next year, I want to want to go to work on a Monday and not dread the alarm.
Luke and I are also saving for a mortgage through a work place scheme.
This is the first time that I have felt that we are serious and 100 percent on board.
I think at the age of 26 (and after 8 years at University) its time to put down some of our own roots. I also think that we are at that stage in the relationship where its not if but when.
I think what was accelerating my anxiety was the feeling of losing control and being lost in my 20's (which I know everyone goes through).
Through setting monthly goals, I'm slowly getting 'there'. I
managed to get my shiz together and finish my Masters Degree. I really hope that I've passed, I'm ready to say goodbye to that part of my life if I am being honest.
I have realised that a major trigger is social media and the fakeness that it promotes.
I have also have learnt that taking an hour out to read or play a game makes all the difference.
I have become obsessed with the Walking Dead also and I have given up fast food as an effort to try and do my body and skin a favour. I guess you could say that I am in a mind, body and soul detox at the moment.
So to answer the question in a round about way, I'm doing 'ok', I still have tough days, I still have that voice that tries to stop me from doing something.
For example, we have tickets for a limited edition screening of an old anime film on Friday in Milton Keynes. I have already thought of at least four ways to talk myself out of it. But I'm determined to go.
But through questioning the voice, medication and keeping myself calm, I'm slowly getting my life back to normal.
So before I fill a large chunk of the internet with ramblings.
Thanks for reading!