LIFESTYLE : Late Night Thoughts (Teenage Photos Drop! )
So I find myself unable to sleep.
So I thought that I would share whats troubling me and give you all a quick update in the hope that I will bore my self to back to slumber.
This post was inspired by some thoughts that I posted on Tumblr, it one of the only forms of social media that I kept after my deleting spree at the end of 2017.
I love Tumblr because it feels alot freer than Facebook and Twitter, you see people geeking out together rather than calling each other out.
My user is HideawayBlogging on there so drop by and say hi!
So my main concern at the moment is that awesome thing that Brains do to you, often at midnight.
Those conversations that you never had, the path not travelled, all the people that you lost in contact with and all those awkward recalls from a decade ago.
Tonight its all about school....
Thats right, I left secondary school TEN YEARS AGO.
And yet, I find myself still comparing myself to people that I haven't spoken to in nine years and literally just share a birth year and a town in common with.
School, as I've said before, was a very strange time for me. I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be... to some degree I still don't.
I went though some bullying and it was in some cases, the worst time of my life.
But, I've spoken previously about this in depth and I don't want this post to be a negative one.
I find that I am constantly looking back at the people that I lost contact with and end up kicking myself for it.
But this is part of life and chances are you will bump back into each other.
The more and more, I venture to the gym or into town I see someone from the past. It always tends to be when I've quickly popped out and look like actual crap too.
Those glasses though....
But I alway feel so awkward in talking to these people as if I have something to be ashamed of. I know that they will ask me what I'm up to and I'll freeze.
Instead of saying, I've gotten engaged, I've got a good job, my family are good, I'm going to train to be a teacher, I've got a mortgage application on the go.
I'll say... yeah not much... not left Northampton yet.... and stare awkwardly into the distance.
I'll think about everyone else's amazing pictures on social media compared to my own of Vegan food and beauty products.
Its so easy to stalk someone and find out exactly how they are getting on, well how well their virtual self is getting on.
Where was I going with this?
Yeah, so I can't sleep because I'm hung up on school again.
If I had the chance I would honestly do it all again. I had some great friends and some of them I am lucky to still know.
One in particular I see twice a week to do our cinema club and yet we too sit there an talk about people from the past. At what point do you draw a line in the sand and move on?
I can't be the only one that goes through this. I know I'm not so maybe here is some advice.
Pick up the phone, send that friend request, talk a little more?
Life is short, too short. I know that sadly, a handful of people from my school life have actually passed on. Gone too soon.
I think I'm going to take my own advice, well I say this at midnight.
I might feel differently in the morning.
I thought I would also take the time to reflect on my not sleeping as a positive thing.
Last year, I couldn't sleep due to panic attacks and anxiety in general.
I'm rather grateful that its just this now keeping me up.
I'm able to sleep without medication and I can verbalise what is wrong with me.
I find having a journal as such an important tool. Even though its probably illegible and when I come to read it back, it won't make any sense.
I've come so far and I think having you the reader has helped so much.
Hideaway is doing so well on views by itself that I think its made me feel as though someone is there in my darkest times.
So thank you so much for reading. I know I have taken to neglecting this platform and Youtube and this is something that I have realised this evening.
I'm trying to put myself out there in my 'real life' that I'm leaving no time for my safe space on the internet.
WELL NO MORE.
So I'm still not tired, but I can't talk about school anymore without feeling like I'm repeating myself.
So my next chance will be reading Game of Thrones.
If you are reading this now or in the morning, I realise that this might not make much sense cos I'm tired.
But thank you for trying and I'll be back either tomorrow or Tuesday.