LIFESTYLE: Disappointment and the Hideaway
So I have always kind of thought of this blog as a version of channeling my energy and thoughts.
Today, has been a very disappointing day.
Basically, things once again didn't go my way and I once again didn't get the step up at work that I really wanted.
I thought this time, I was alot stronger, I knew what to say and I brought it to the interview.
I even had a great work review the day after the interview.
However, it wasn't meant to be I guess.
I sat in the room getting feedback and I felt a massive lump in my throat and I just wanted to bolt. After it all happened, I immediately wanted to quit and was left with a feeling of inadequacy.
I'd come so far but I still wasn't good enough.
I'd reminded myself that if I had given into my emotions that our mortgage that has been agreed in principle would be gone also.
Its weird because, when I thought about it, no one tells you how to deal with disappointment.
Everyone tells you to reach for the stars and not to accept second best.
However when it does happen, you just feel crap. I didn't know that I had that much of a mood brooding inside me. I mean I'm a small scrappy person but still.
I guess the situation is actually a blessing. The money is not that much more, especially for the responsibility.
I can breeze in and breeze out without worry.
Its a great opportunity for the two people that did get it.
My future is hopefully in getting a house, getting married and going into a career in teaching.
But I always worry that my depression and anxiety are always on the horizon so I have decided on an action plan that will take my mind off current events.
Turn a negative into a positive.
1) Get myself back off social media.
I think for the current time, just Tumblr and Instagram are allowed.
Its just to try and protect my head.
You just tend to see things and get sent right back to that place.
2) to stop obsessing over work and pour the energy back into Hideaway
When I get home, I tend to just decompress until work the next day but I think its time to focus back on the blog and the two channels.
I need to get something back for me.
3) Get back into reading and gaming.
Everything seems to have a knock on effect. I want to get out of the cycle of being mentally exhausted all the time!!
4) To make sure that I put myself back out there.
Most importantly, I know that I am good at my job.
I'm at the top of my game almost, I just need to make sure that when the opportunity comes around again, that I'm ready.
So the point of this post is not to seek sympathy, its just to say that failure does happen. I read alot of blogs that just seem to gloss over some of the realer stuff.
Videos that just show people living their best lives.
I've always tried to be very honest about my life with you, the reader.
I'm sure when the time comes, I'll know which path to take and what to do next.
But I guess, the post is also to say that, I'm going to be on here alot more, I plan to get better with the old uploading on Youtube as well!
As I said, I need something for me that not just my job.
So for now,
Thanks for reading and shizz happens.
Its just how we deal with it to be honest.
Twitter : @BeckyRussell