Carrying on

Hello Everyone, 

I hope you are all ok. 

I also hope that I didn't worry anyone with my last post - If I did it wasn't my intention. 

As I said, last week was just exceptionally crap. 

However, I don't want to dwell as I am the strong one in my household, so I figured that I would write an article about carrying on. 

Even when you just want to sit in tears and wear the same clothes days in a row. When even getting in the shower is in an achievement. 

So here is how I am busting myself out of my grief / depression.... It might help if you too are suffering or helping someone through it. 

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1) Getting the house in order

I find that the more you take control over your environment, the better you feel. What is happening in my life was a complete shock and out of our hands. 

So even though I have recently done a spring clean... Today I have been around the house, collected the mountain of clothes and got them washed... I have taken a bin bag round and gathered the rubbish... I have tided and sorted. 

I originally didn't want to clean as I thought that I was getting rid of Diego but actually it really helped. I know he's always around, so this thought was stupid.  I also took the opportunity to sort through a couple of weeks of paperwork and file it away, I also  shredded what needed to be shredded. 

I also am trying to look to the future and one of the main ways of doing this was to plan the future rooms in this house. The carpet has been delayed so it hasn't been laid yet. So I have been picking furniture off the internet and also paint colours for the walls. 

Sticking with my plan to make this house my Hideaway is helping and maybe one day Boots will feel comfortable again. But there is along way to go first. 



2 ) Getting Creative 

Obviously one of my biggest outlets is this blog and the Youtube Channels. But for a while I had neglected them. Well no more. The second that I started blogging about my new project, I realised how much I actually loved it. 

I now plan to try and get to that desired position of being one blog post ahead, I used to be so organised that I was a week ahead. But I didn't like the quality of the posts, they were short and rushed. So just one ahead seems reasonable. 

I also plan to work on my new project, Diego The Wonder Cat. Alot of it will be drawing and colouring in which I find really helps.  I have written an about page on the blog if you want to know more (You should be able to see it above this post) 

I will be waiting til later in this week to start filming again, as we are both a little emotional.

 But going through the process of filming, editing and uploading
are exciting in themselves. I already have a couple of videos planned for each of the channels and I am living somewhere where there is no external noise and also there is actually light!!!!



3 ) Getting stuck into gaming 

At the start of the year, I said that I wanted to complete a game a month. At the moment, because of all that is going on, I'm not sure about March. But I will keep pushing. If not, I will try and do two in another month to get back on track. 

I have been playing alot of games that I can just pick up and leave. 

So one in particular is that of Plant VS Zombies 2. I have also tried to include Luke in party games. 

I find just switching off for an hour helps. 



4) Getting stuck into a book 

Again, its another switching off technique, I wanted to read a book a month. But again I think thats out for March. I'll keep trying obviously. But just getting lost in another world really helps. 

I find my brain is tired at the moment as it is still processing everything so I am trying to battle this and stop running away to bed when I feel uncomfortable downstairs... looking out the door thinking of my boy. 


5) Getting stuck into TV 

I'm finding that its a really good time for TV at the moment, but alot of shows are coming to an end so I will have to find new things to watch. But this is fine, at least I'm not stuck in a rut, I am actually watching new things. 

I am currently searching for shows that Luke and I can watch together as he has a rather short attention span. 

The Dramas on ITV tend to be about right for us both



6) Taking Care of myself 

For the past couple of days, I haven't wanted to eat. I've had to force myself. 

Everything just seems so different now. Theres like a grey sheen around everything. 

But as time goes on, I can feel myself feeling a little bit better. I needed to realise that I wasn't being disloyal in laughing everyone and again and taking care of myself. Diego, always looked after me when I was sad so he would be so mad if I let myself go. 

So I have slowly been getting back into a routine, which is very important for Boots as well. I have been trying not to show fear when I let Boots out for a bit in the morning and a bit in the evening. I have been getting back into breakfast and lunch and dinner. 

I have been getting back into my skin care routine and even showering. I just need to stop going to bed at seven because I can't face looking out the door. 

By the time you read this, I will also be back at work which I know will really help. 


7) Getting better with Money 

To be honest, everyone warned me that when I moved house, that I would have no money. But since December, honestly there has been so much to pay for. So Luke and I have gotten into the routine of being on a tight budget. March is the first month that we have a fair bit left in savings, but I want us to have a safe nest egg. Also, this is going to sound weird... I feel like I owe it to Diego. 

One of Diego's characters we gave him was as our banker. This is because in real life he was attracted to shiny things and we used to say when he was loudly miaowing that he was yelling at us. 

So I have taken recent events to give myself a kick in the backside and I can also see a positive change in Luke in regards to money. So, I think in looking after our money we are making him proud. In reality he was just happy to have a bit of chicken every now and again but as I am writing his story, this brings me comfort



8) Finally, Accepting this is the new normal and that its ok to still be upset... it won't change overnight. 

It speaks for itself really. Our lives are never going to be the same again and I'm not just talking about Diego. But its also knowing that its ok to not feel immediately better. Diego is coming home in a couple of weeks and I know that this is going to reopen the wound. But I want him home so that I know he can safely rest. 

I go through periods where I think I am ok, but five minutes later I will be in tears again. 

I have to remind Luke that we will never forget our little mushroom eater, but hopefully we can omit the last time we saw him from those memories. 

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So thats it for now, I hope to get back to feeling somewhat normal. 

If you are also in need of some help, please reach out. It helps so much to have someone just listen for five minutes. 

So for now, 

Thanks for reading 

Rebekah Mary 

x


 Twitter : @BeckyRussell

Instagram : @beckydoodah 


Youtube : Hideaway Blogging 



For the New Project ;

Twitter : @diegothewonder


Instagram :@Diegothewondercat







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