Socially Awkward / My latest anxiety attack

Recently I wrote an article on depression and anxiety. 

I wrote how I an feel like two different people at the same time. How I can feel trapped by this and trapped in a situation. This often triggers a panic attack 

Tonight this happened again.

I was out with my boyfriend and his work friends, when suddenly I was hit by what felt like a wall of sadness from nowhere. 

(Note : there is a lot going on in my personal life and I've just had a stressful week at work - so it may be a delayed reaction to one of these things) 

I stopped being able to enjoy the social situation that I was in and I became determined to leave and come back home. Well one part of me did, the other half was determined to stay and not let the negative vibes ruin the evening.

This created an internal conflict, that I could feel leading to a panic attack. I think that fact that I was surrounded by new people didn't help either. I was scared of being judged for feeling this way. 

I feared that they wouldn't understand. 

But the one person that understood, was the one that saved me from this. Luke. 

Luke is brilliant, he is quick to remove me from situations or sit me down and talk to me. Sometimes it feels like he is diffusing a bomb. 

In his drunken state, he got me home and talked to me. 

Even offered to buy me a Mcdonalds breakfast in the morning. (It's in writing now, he can't back out) 

The purpose of writing this post, was to document how I am feeling at the moment ( as this is something that is still happening). I am hoping through writing this blunt account, that it may help someone in the future in the same position - my only advise, get a person that can be your rock when you feel like you are about to have an anxiety attack. 

If Luke hadn't of been with me tonight, then I would have no idea what would have happened. 

I may keep this post up or I may delete it in the morning. 

Either way, enjoy it for now 


Sammie said…
I'm so glad you did post this and that you had someone there to help you. Your blog is so open and honest and that's exactly why I enjoy reading it. Of course I wouldn't wish your anxiety & panic attacks on you at all - but by opening up you may just help someone else, going through something similar. To be as honest as you are is very brave. Sammie x
Becky Russell said…
Your words are so kind. I was worried about being judged for not understanding my own feelings. But as you said if it helps someone its all worth it xx

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