Today & Boots Update

Hello everyone, 

So today, I planned a lively little post about cookie recipes. 

You will still get this but life events has meant that I have decided to slightly veer off course. 

( If you came here for the cookies, I have still uploaded the vlog here ): 

But the reason for the change of heart is thus. 

Basically as you may or may not know, I am quite vocal about the fact that I naturally suffer from high anxiety. I find writing about it is like a form of coping with it. 

Well today, sadly for me, I suffered an anxiety attack at work. 

Now I knew that this was a long time coming, I hadn't felt myself since the weekend (I was travelling and the week prior to it I was very busy). 

In the last two days, I had become really withdrawn... the only person that I found myself talking to was my partner Luke. 

I literally said nothing to my workmates, because I knew that if I started to talk, it would become obvious that I wasn't myself. That and I really didn't want to talk about my feelings. This isn't like me cos normally I get bored without a decent conversation. 

This week had bought its challenges as it always did with work, but today must have been the tip of the iceberg. I have no idea what the trigger was, I don't really remember the build up to the attack. I just know that it was horrible. 

I went to the toilet and tried to control my breathing, my chest was tight. I came back to my desk and the tears started. Luckily my boss took care of me.  I was a shakey mess. 

I felt like this was the first time that my team mates saw how I can be with my anxiety, I felt so nervous walking across the floor to the private office and awkward coming back to work after. 

So I decided to send an email and try to see the funny side.... I immediately felt more myself after the attack, as if the pressure had been released. 

The past couple of days were really difficult I didn't want to do anything... not even game. 

I 'm not going to go on about it for too much longer but you can see some of what I have written on the subject 

and a Vlog I recorded :

A mini Bootah update :

Boots has been to the Vet. His paw is NOT infected. He is on a gel painkiller and some tablets. 

Thanks to everyone that was concerned about him :) 



Snapchat : Beckydoodah


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