2019 - The Year of Taking Everything as it came

Hello Everyone, 

I wanted to have a little look back on last year, before we continue with all the new 2020 content. 





I want to put the year to bed as so to speak - I think in writing about the past, its a nice way of coming to terms with events and moving on.


I had originally regarded 2019 as a horrible year in which I saw myself taking steps back and having to deal with horrible stuff.

 But in editing the video that I uploaded on the lifestyle channel at the start of the week - I realised that in fact, we did have some nice times too. 

You can watch the video here: 





So I figured that I would take the year, season by season to review it. 


Spring

So this is how I started the year - I had moved into my new house a couple of weeks before. It was one of the most stressful things I've have ever done. 




We had bought a new build, so it kept getting delayed and the move in date got further and further away, until finally we moved on the 20th December 2018. 

The place we were living in was hostile and dangerous so for the first time in six months, we could breathe again. 

It felt so odd that we owned our own space and could effectively do whatever we wanted -no one else had keys, no one could enter without permission. It was a feeling of security that we had never had since we lived with our parents. 

But moving was expensive and we were on a proper budget for the first time. We had a mortgage to pay. 






So we decided that we wanted that we wanted to discover Wellingborough as cheaply as we could - there was so many fees and things to pay with owning a new house. 

We started at Sywell County Park. 

Sadly, we didn't keep doing this due to the next event - but we have resolved to do this in 2020. 

Sadly, on the first day of Spring - Diego didn't come home, the following morning we found that he had been hit by a car. 


I've spoken about this in depth on other posts. But on this day, I felt true shock and grief. 

My boy was gone. 

This was the first point that I wanted to give up on it all. 

But step my step it got easier, we took him to the vet and bought him home. 

In fact he is in the room as I type, sleeping and still keeping me company as he did in life. He also is a source of comfort for Boots and Luke. I have even seen Teddy lovingly boof him, which is odd as they never met. I like to think Diego guided us to Teddy and he watches over his two younger brothers. 


 This was also the point in my personal life that I had to deal with a difficult situation, one that I have kept private. But it involved speaking to hospitals, being glued to my phone and imagining all types of outcomes. My head was already in a tail spin and it pushed me over the edge. 
  
 By this point all my resolutions, goals and hope for the year went on hold



Summer 

I was not in the best headspace. Work was hard, it became a very difficult place to be. Home was still sombre. 



I missed my little guy and I blamed myself for that accident that took him away. 

But a little ray of sunshine came into my life.

Boots had gone into a depression, we had taken him to the vets and the opinion was that he was lonely. He was howling at night, demanding attention and was suffering without his brother. So we made the painful decision to get a kitten. 

What I mean by this is that I was scared to love again, I was scared it would send Boots over the edge. I was worried about having something so tiny in the house again. 

But I saw an ad for two beautiful kittens and I fell in love. 

I went to see the mum and litter and I saw the most confident, loud and two week old ball of fluff. 



Little Ted. 

It was love at first sight and we waited six weeks to take him home. 

We planned everything, from all the stuff we would need, how we would feed him and how we would introduce him to Boots. 

I will write more on this, but both Teddy and Boots surprised me and now neither can be without the other. 



He healed our hearts, all three of us. 


It was at this point, I started to pull myself back together. 

I was however, starting to feel very critical of how I looked, so I stopped taking pictures for the blog and only had one's taken from behind. 

Weight was starting to pile on and my skin suffered. 


It's only just started to recover this year. 


I felt that my heart was healing, but I didn't want to forget my boy, so I decided that I would honour him with some jewellery. 

I looked into different ways that I could do this - I looked at putting his fur and ashes into something - but I couldn't bring myself to separate him. 

So I went and searched for a ring. 

I was going to get something light blue for him, but I saw this friendship ring and I knew it was this one. 



Rose gold and one stone to reflect that he was my star - it's funny some people think its a new engagement ring but no. It's not so obvious way to remember the good times we had and to know that he is always with me.  One day I plan to have a light blue stone to be put into the underside of the band. 

I also put some serious work into my Creation Diego the Wondercat. 


My Birthday came around and Luke and Sian surprised me with a trip to the ski slope. 



We went sledding and saw my family and did some day drinking. 

It was an amazing day, however the situation that I was taking about before also rerasied on my birthday. But with the support of those closet to me, we got through it. 


In August, I decided a physical change was needed and I dyed my hair red. 




I am in love with this colour and I need to go back to the hairdressers. It just felt so empowering to change to something fiery. 


Right at the end of the season, we went to see Jimmy Carr. 

I was gifted tickets by my work - I was recognised for my hard work and I could pick anything to see in our company box. 




I had a bad day and I was in tears. 

But in his stand up he mentioned how the saddest people always try to cheer everyone up.  How in every situation you can find humour, there is always some light. It's something that has stuck with me. 

By the end of the season, our house was now all completely carpeted and ready for forever furniture.




Autumn 


My favourite season arrived. 



I was feeling like I wanted to get back on track so I started to plan for the last part of the year. 

I booked a holiday for Luke's Birthday and I took the first step towards wedding planning. 




It was also this time that I picked up my journal and read through my New Year's Resolutions. 

At this point, I was thinking damage control and I began to try and complete as many as I possibly could. But it was an uphill battle. 


It felt really nice to be able to decorate our house for Halloween 




It was Teddy's first bonfire night so we protected him from the scary fireworks as did Boots.  





We also started to volunteer at a local animal sanctuary and I got to meet a fox. 



Life was starting to feel good. I had made some difficult decisions to cut certain things and certain people out of my life but it proved to be the right decision. 

I started seeing more of my Dad and his family and I formed a great support network. 



Winter 

You may notice that I am turned round in this picture, my confidence was back. 




I was truly looking forward to Christmas and we went on holiday - to Woburn Forest. 

I love forests and I felt so at peace here. 

We made plans for the coming month and celebrated Luke's Birthday. 


Christmas itself saw a little wobble, but the whole was really good. We went round a few houses over Christmas day and Boxing day and were in and out of day. 



It was now that I decided to carry on with the Channels and the blogs as I was considering walking away.

 But there were some lovely comments that encouraged me to keep going 



It was mid December that I decided to take control of my body and since the first of January, I have lost 11 lbs. 

Small steps, but I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin. 


2020

I have written a post on this, but basically I am looking forward to this new year as a year of reinvention and I want to make it big enough to make up for the past one. 

Some painful lessons have been learnt, some things have been cut out and some picked up. 

I've already seen a massive improvement in myself. 

--

Just gotta keep up the momentum 

But for now,

Thanks for reading 

Becky 


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Comments

Georgia Rose said…
Really sorry that 2019 was a tough year for you. So happy that your starting to feel more confidence within yourself and picking yourself back up - it's really great and empowering to see! Wishing you all the best for 2020 - I believe you can handle anything this year throws at you! x

Georgia Rose | http://www.justgeorgiarose.com
Becky Russell said…
Thanks Lovely. This year is going to be my year x
jenikya said…
I remember reading about your poor Diego. I’m glad another kitten found you and things are getting better.
Jenikya.com/blog

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