Hello Everyone, How you doing?

Hiya all, 

I hope that no matter what part of the world you are in, you are safe and you are well. 




It's taken alot of mental strength to get to where we are at the moment and sadly, it going to take a little more. 

The world is a very scary place at the moment, there's a pandemic that is stealing people away from their families in the most horrible way possible. 

People have been separated away from their loved ones for months. 

But I think that I am ready to come back to the blog to try and put into words how this time has been. 

I wanted to create a time capsule online, as I hope that this never happens again, on both here and the Youtube Lifestyle Channel that I run. 

I feel as though the situation has started to change me gradually as a person and I am grateful for that. 

For example 

a) I like running? 

Who knewwwww? I have competed in The Tough Mudder and the Race for life, however I didn't enjoy the actual running and I had to walk part of both of them. Since Lockdown, Luke and I have been completing the BBC's Couch to 5k programme and I can feel that it's really working. 



I can continuously run without throwing up and without that voice in my head telling me that I can't do it.  

We do one day on and one day off so that my legs can rest. But I am loving it.

 Originally,  I wanted to do it so that I had a target during the government mandated 30 mins of exercise a day, since that has been lifted my times have extended and I've pushed myself! 










b) My relationship with my body 

I used to hate everything about myself.

 My figure, my weight, my hair, my skin and my eyes. 

However, I have never been so appreciative of my body... it's keeping my safe and alive during this pandemic. 

I've let certain things go.... I've relaxed the way I feel about having to be in heavy makeup at work.... I've trained my hair to not have to be washed everyday. I've lost weight naturally through doing more exercise and by challenging the desire to comfort eat. 




I feel alot better about myself and I hope this continues after everything is back to normal. 


c) I've given myself the kick to mover towards the future.

I announced this on the youtube channel, but as of October... I start my teacher training course...the thing that I have been talking about for at least two years.

 There is an overwhelming sense in my life that life is too short and we have to go after the things that we truly want. 

I want to come out of this experience stronger than when I started... I was achieving this with the exercise and working on my mental health. 

But I needed a way to keep this going.... So I looked to where I wanted to be. I'm so happy to be taking this step - I will be doing it part time so I will still be working as the idea of giving up my job is ridulcous to me (I'm still working, I haven't been furloughed). 

d) I have a new drive to keep going with the blog and the channels. 

I wanted to go back to Youtube first as that was the medium that I struggled with the most.

 I wanted to get the routine in place first.... My dad told me that my videos were one of the only ways that he could see me and he wanted to know that I was ok. I told him that I felt as though I had nothing to say and nothing to show... but he told me it wasn't important....my family wanted to see me. 

This reminded me of why I started that channel... I wanted to document my life and share my experiences.... my family are so widespread that I wanted a way that they can check in with me. 

The Gaming channel came out of a desire to share games that I truly loved and now its a way to motivate me to complete games so I can clear my library out and save some memory on my consoles! 

e) I have a higher appreciation of my family and friends 

Not being able to see people is horrible. I truly hope that when this goes back to normal... that family time isn't something that we skip, in fact it becomes something that we go out of the way to arrange. 


I am painfully aware that some people in my family won't be around for much longer and that I have wasted time that I could have spent listening, learning from and enjoying being with them. 

I find myself checking in on the social media profiles and making sure that everyone is ok. 

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However there are some bad things to come out of Lockdown 

a) I hate social media 

It's toxic at the moment, people are at each other's throats. 

Luke and I have made a pledge to stop looking for a bit.

 I am only on there now to post new videos and now posts. I had a love hate relationship with social media when everything was fine... so this one isn't a shock. 


b) My mental health is shakey at best. 

It's been a real test on whether I can keep myself going. 

Sometimes just getting dressed seems like an achievement. Having work is really helping me to keep to a routine. Especially with food.... as for a bit I started to only eat one meal and then feel like crap for most of the day.

 I wasn't giving my body the fuel it needed to get through the pandemic. 

But this is alot better now. I need the fuel to keep running!

 I do find that the littlest thing will turn into something huge if I don't deal with it straight way. Lockdown has magnified every little thing. I'm lucky that Luke is with me and know exactly how to deal with my moods as they arise. 


--

Thank you for reading all of the above, I'm back I guess :)

I honestly thought this whole thing was going to blow over in a couple of weeks but as the death tolls rose it became obvious that this wasn't the case.

 I'm happy to be back doing the things that I enjoy and if you want to watch my videos... there is one linked below from the lifestyle channel:





I'm not sure how many times a week I will post, but I do have a couple of ideas for the first batch of posts.

The world is different and so am I.... 

Let me know how you are feeling and thank you to all that have been reading and commenting in my absence. It means the world. 

So for now....

Thanks for reading,

Becky

x

 Twitter : @hideawayblogs




 







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