Operation AwayHide

 Helllloooo Everyone, 

I hope that you are all ok.







I wanted to write a post about a new project that I'm working on and that Project is called "Operation AwayHide"

I know what you are thinking (that codename sounds awfully familiar) - well yes.

 Its Hideaway reversed 

*Pauses for dramatic effect* 

AwayHide is the code name that I use in games usually. 

Mainly in Multiplayer to give me a little bit of a confidence boost. 

It is also the name of my "alter ego" - or the flip side of Hideaway. 

In short - "My bad bitch" alter ego.

--

Lately, life has been kicking me in the face. 

Health-wise, mentally and relationship-wise and I need to channel a little bit of AwayHide energy to get me through. 

So Operation AwayHide - is actually me, working on myself. 

I was at a very low point Friday night - I was hate raided on Twitch with homophobic hatred thrown at me. 

If you are a long-time reader of the blog, you'll know that I am Bisexual, and the things they said fucking hurt. 

I then spiraled during the day, which led to me drinking ALOT in a short space of time. 

I wanted to drown the voices out. 

I then proceeded to "not be very well". 

It took 48 hours to recover from, the whole time I cursed myself as to how I could let myself do the things that I did. 

So, I've spent two days in pain. But I think that I needed to go through it. 

This event is just one in a series of things that I have had to deal with this year and honestly I'm over being sad. 

So here is the plan; 

a) We get stronger - firstly physically - by training at the gym and actually eating three meals a day. I'm at the lowest weight I've been in about 10 years. But, I need to continue the healthy way. 

b) We get mentally stronger - now Rome wasn't built in a day and I am very aware of this.

 But, I am starting to work out the things and people (more on this later) that no longer deserve my time. I don't want to go into specific details, you'll notice a change if you know me well 

c) Ending toxic relationships - I've met a lot of people in the past year online, the majority of them are solid connections and I am very grateful to have them in my life. 

However, some are draining and quite clearly out for themselves. I've had to cut people off before and sadly, it is time to do this again. 

d) To qualify as a teacher and to put the work in required - I'm at uni at the moment, but it is so easy to prioritize other tasks over it, have a blind panic, and do the whole course in a couple of weeks - however, this isn't sustainable the further into the course I go. 

One of the things that I have started to do, to keep myself motivated, is to do "study with me streams" on Twitch.

 I find that in doing hour-long bursts, I keep myself focused as there is a sense of accountability.

 Sadly, it was on one of these streams that the hate bots came, but I've updated all my security and they shouldn't be able to access me again 

E) To launch new and existing projects - I have a lot that I am working on the background 

a) Music 

b) Merch 

c) A Brand New Podcast 

d) YouTube Specific Content

I need to get some of this stuff out as I think that I'm waiting for a sign or something - as I am super nervous for you guys to see it /hear it. 

But, in some cases, it's stuff that was supposed to come out with reaching goals. 

I am my own worst critic and it's something that I need to overcome as I know that it is stuff that could and should set me apart from other channels...

 Keep an eye out for me. 


f) To make time for myself - I spend a lot of time helping others, making sure that others are ok... But at the cost of myself. 

I need to stop this.

 I'm an empath and I can take on others' emotions very easily, so as they feel better I feel worse. Playing Life is Strange has really bought this point home.

 I need to set up some boundaries, I need to tell people when it's too much. I'm writing this here as a note to myself. 

I need to know when it's ok to walk away and just leave the computer and the tasks that I have to wait a while - Again setting boundaries. 

G) And finally - I need to love myself again. I have a real love-hate relationship with myself. I don't want to go into too many details but it can be BAD (such as the weekend). Time to spend some time getting to know me again... 

--


So that's operation AwayHide and these are the things that I am working on. 

If you see less of me, hear less of me, wonder where I am, I'm working on myself. 

I can't wait to take you all on the journey with me. 

:) 


As Always, 

Thank you for your Support and for Reading 

Becky x 


Twitter :@beckyrussell

Instagram : @hideawayblogging




(For Hideaway Gaming as mentioned :

Twitter : @hideawaygaming

Twitch : Hideawaygames






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